How to Sabotage Your Success in Therapy

As a therapist, I never can understand how so many people expect that therapy will work in one session!. These people are expecting a 'magic wand' solution. Well there is no magic wand except for the willingness to work on your life and change your thinking, your attitude, your feelings and your behaviour!

Example of Sabotage with a Sex-Life Challenge

1. Erroneous thinking and negative attitude

   It's just too hard, too much work and too complicated.

   It will lead to conflict with my partner so I better just put up with it.

   No one else really has a good sex-life either, so we are just normal.

   He/she is such a nice person/ nurturer/good provider/great status symbol/loyal partner/so culturally suited to me – that the fact that we don't have a good sex-life doesn't really matter.

   I don't really believe that I deserve/can have an outstanding sex-life, so being mediocre is good enough.

2. Negative feelings that block their progress and lower their self-esteem and confidence

   Embarrassment and Inadequacy, Guilt, Fear, Disgust, Resentment, Anger

3. Negative behaviours

   Forgetting their appointments with themselves, each other, or their therapist

   Not doing practical exercises as homework

   Forgetting to bring their homework to the therapist

   Breaking their agreements

   Always coming up with excuses for why change wasn't possible

   Angrily attacking their partner when they attempt to talk about the problem

   All talk and no action

   Leaving their mobile phone on during therapy session

   Forgetting to bring their reading glasses to their therapy session and not being able to read material that is shown to them in session by their therapist.

Example:

Rick was a TV star and his wife worked in sales. He was suffering from premature ejaculation. Every week there was a new excuse for why they couldn't do their sex homework practice.

Week 1 they had had friends from overseas to stay and were out all of the time and up late, drinking.

Week 2 she had had her period and they never had any sexual contact then.

Week 3 he had had the flu

Week 4 her mother came to stay and you can't have sex with your parent in the house –after all, what would they think of you if they found out?

Week 5 they bought a puppy. As anyone who ever had a new puppy would know, they miss their mother and so you have to let them sleep in your bedroom and they keep you awake with their whimpering and you couldn't possibly have sex...ad infinitum

After six weeks they dropped out of therapy. After 6 months I saw his marriage breakdown splashed across the front page of the TV tabloid newspaper.