|How to Sabotage Your Success in Therapy|
|How to Suceed in Therapy|
As a therapist, I never can understand how so many people expect that therapy will work in one session!. These people are expecting a 'magic wand' solution. Well there is no magic wand except for the willingness to work on your life and change your thinking, your attitude, your feelings and your behaviour!
Example of Sabotage with a Sex-Life Challenge
Erroneous thinking and negative attitude
It's just too hard, too much work and too complicated.
It will lead to conflict with my partner so I better just put up with it.
No one else really has a good sex-life either, so we are just normal.
He/she is such a nice person/ nurturer/good provider/great status symbol/loyal partner/so culturally suited to me – that the fact that we don't have a good sex-life doesn't really matter.
I don't really believe that I deserve/can have an outstanding sex-life, so being mediocre is good enough.
Negative feelings that block their progress and lower their self-esteem and confidence
Embarrassment and Inadequacy, Guilt, Fear, Disgust, Resentment, Anger
Forgetting their appointments with themselves, each other, or their therapist
Not doing practical exercises as homework
Forgetting to bring their homework to the therapist
Breaking their agreements
Always coming up with excuses for why change wasn't possible
Angrily attacking their partner when they attempt to talk about the problem
All talk and no action
Leaving their mobile phone on during therapy session
Forgetting to bring their reading glasses to their therapy session and not being able to read material that is shown to them in session by their therapist.
Rick was a TV star and his wife worked in sales. He was suffering from premature ejaculation. Every week there was a new excuse for why they couldn't do their sex homework practice.
Week 1 they had had friends from overseas to stay and were out all of the time and up late, drinking.
Week 2 she had had her period and they never had any sexual contact then.
Week 3 he had had the flu
Week 4 her mother came to stay and you can't have sex with your parent in the house –after all, what would they think of you if they found out?
Week 5 they bought a puppy. As anyone who ever had a new puppy would know, they miss their mother and so you have to let them sleep in your bedroom and they keep you awake with their whimpering and you couldn't possibly have sex...ad infinitum
After six weeks they dropped out of therapy. After 6 months I saw his marriage breakdown splashed across the front page of the TV tabloid newspaper.