The Facts about Female Orgasm
You are not alone.
Non-occurance of orgasm is common for women. Of problems presenting for sex therapy, lack of female orgasm accounts for 20% of clients.
You can orgasm!
Humans are the only living creatures who can and do seek out sex for pleasure. Therefore you are born with a 'capable instrument' and you can learn to create beautiful music with it.
You deserve to orgasm 'for you'.
Your body is a precious gift and learning to allow yourself the pleasure of an orgasm is important to maximise your gift. Although your partner may truly enjoy seeing you sexually blossom as you become orgasmic, the main reason to have orgasms is for your own pleasure.
There are Three Common Difficulties with Orgasm Occurrence
Women who can't orgasm.
You have the motivation to learn but nothing has worked for you.
Women who don't orgasm.
You have not been motivated to learn - yet!
Women who won't orgasm.
You don't think orgasms are important, you may not like sex.
Common Obstacles to Female Orgasm
The following list includes the most common obstacles to female orgasm:
1. Unsatisfactory body image (low sexual self-esteem)
2. Need to glean the facts about my sexual physiology and how the arousal system works
3. Uncomfortable looking at or touching my own genitals
4. Anxious/tense - 'trying too hard'
5. Lifestyle too busy - never have (or make) the time
6. Head full of negative thoughts about sex e.g. good girls don't
7. Pressure from partner
8. Unhappy about your relationship
Your Step-by-Step Program to Achieving Orgasms
Review your sexual education
• Write down what you know now
• Read Becoming Orgasmic (see below)
• Rewrite your sexual facts
Review your sexual history
• Write down your past experiences
• Note your negative judgements
• Make new positive decisions
Accept your body
• Write down your good features
• See an image consultant
• Clean up your wardrobe
• Eat nutritious foods
• Exercise regularly
Accept your genitals
• I can touch my genitals with pleasure
• I can comfortably look at my genitals in the mirror
• Write down a description of your genitals 'as a flower'
Reorganise your lifestyle to allow time for pleasure to orgasm
• I have a plan for sexual 'pleasure time' at least three times a week
• These times are my 'best' times for arousal, permission and privacy
Relax and enjoy your 'Pleasuring Times'
• Use positive self-talk, which helps you cope with and prevent anxiety
• e.g. say "I let go of my urgency about needing to orgasm"
• "if orgasm comes it's great, if not - I will accept it and be interested about why not"
Becoming Orgasmic - A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women
Heinman, J. and Lo Piccolo, J.