I’d like to talk to you now in a way that’s going to lift the lid off the myths about women and vaginal, or penetrative orgasms.
I was coming back home on a plane recently and was watching one of those movies you’d probably only watch on a plane. There was Gweneth Paltrow and Joaquin Phoenix, having sex standing up with all their clothes on, the camera up to her chest, and she starts to go off, having her ‘When Harry Met Sally Orgasm’. It really perpetuates a myth that all orgasms are so easy. I mean, standing up, with all your clothes on? Highly unlikely.
You see the truth is that most of the books and statistics will say (and we don’t really know because the women that don’t have orgasms don’t really tell other people) that only 30% of women do have vaginal orgasms. Now that means that there are 70% of women who are not having any. So if there is only 30%, don’t push yourself/pressure yourself to have to – ‘learn or die’. Look for another of my videos which will give my utmost top tips for having orgasms (not necessarily vaginal).
What many other books and sources suggest is that you try to think of 3 levels of a swimming pool: the shallow, middle and deep end of the pool.
The shallow end is – learning to orgasm with your vibrator. That’s step 1. If you haven’t done that yet, go out and buy a vibrator and learn how to have an orgasm with it.
Then they say – now do it with your finger. Well, I would say that it takes a bit longer to get past this step, because vibrators do have quite a bit of ‘Mr Buzzy’ in them and your own finger can actually be a bit of a chore! But that’s what the books say.
Then they say to use a ‘bridge’. A bridge is where the woman sits on top of the man’s penis, uses her vibrator (shallow end), then her finger (middle end), and the deep end is where she can simply have an orgasm. To that I say, it is not that easy!
This technique I find is a bit like rubbing your belly and patting your head (do you remember that?). Once you begin riding his penis and then start using your vibrator, its completely confusing. You think, ‘its too hard, too complex’ and then you give up.
So don’t feel bad – you’re one of many. And if you are one of the lucky ones, well good for you girl! Keep going for it!
Stay tuned for the next video for Dr Jan’s top tips for maximizing orgasms.
Men
Women