I wanted to talk to you about the difference between people’s attitudes to pornography 20 years ago to now, and how, indeed, my own attitudes have been changing.
20 years ago, pornography was more something that people would talk about with a bit of a giggle, and it was not exactly talked about that openly. But in the last 20 years pornography has really taken over with the internet. They say that there’s not a child under the age of 13 in Australia that has not seen pornography. To all you parents out there with kids who are 12, “Doesn’t that disturb you?”
What really disturbs me is the number of men who are coming in who are declaring themselves as porn addicts, and they have been absolutely taken by sheer dismay at how quickly they’ve become addicts. It’s not just looking at the porn, it’s what I call, perhaps not very clinically, ‘watch and wank’.
What happens is that when they masturbate or they do solo sex, self-service sex, whatever you want to call it, they are actually getting off more and more on the wide variety and the diversity of the pornography. They talk about it as being ‘all the A words’- it’s Accessible, Affordable (most of the time it’s free) Anonymous (because nobody knows what you’re doing), Accessible anytime of the day and night and then I’ve added another one; Abundant.
There is now evidence that the actual brain chemistry is changing when someone is watching porn. Brain scans that show that every time that the man is getting off on the porn, the pleasure centre of his brain is being fired up as if he was taking cocaine.
This is just a warning to all those young men out there who perhaps just play with porn every now and again. What I’d suggest you do is concentrate on learning to be the best lover you can be with the most wonderful woman in your life. I’m all for monogamy, I think that’s much safer. Also make sure that you are being a masterful lover who is loving and intimate.
Pornography is basically selling, what they call the “male porn model”, which is really depersonalising to women; objectifying women and teaching young men and women that porn sex is the true and only way to have sex.
Let me tell you, it’s not. It’s becoming spiritually dangerous. I also believe that it is also emotionally, intellectually and downright emotionally dangerous – as in, romance has been all but forgotten about.
I guess I used to be someone who would say, ‘what’s wrong with porn between people at home and their own privacy’ but now I’m much more likely to say, be the best lover you can.
And so I’m now the anti-porn queen.
So I hope that you will think really hard about what you’re doing if you use porn, and if you need therapy, please drop me an email jan@drjanethall.com.au and with great confidentiality I’ll help you work out a program and a way to quit yourself of this really, really bad habit.
So thank you and, I do really wish you the most sensational, loving sex life because that’s what you deserve.